ladder rungs

here i am sitting up, and staring at the first rung, right infront of me.

I don't hurt anymore from the fall.

it's been a while 

In fact, I don't remember even seeing this ladder here.

I've been flat on my back all this time

I look up to see where it goes

to see how high it reaches up to

I can't see the end

I can't climb this thing!

And then God's word, 'Not by might or by power, but by My Spirit', slides down

But I'm still sitting here, staring at the first rung.

My hands are reluctant to grab hold

My feet refuse to push me up to a stand

I'm not ready to climb. I don't have the stamina or the will power. What's wrong with the floor. What's wrong with where I am at now. 

Oh. Right.

I'm blocking the way up. 

Go first! I urge the others behind me. Don't let me stop you! 

Some take the first rung, and they start to climb

I feel my hands reach out to pull them down

Just like a madras crab.

I slap myself. 

What have I become. 

I say a prayer, just because I feel like I should. 

Nothing happens, as usual. 'Things don't happen immediately"

As always I tell myself. 

I shut a door on the people behind me

occasionally opening it, to take a peep and ease my guilty conscience

of holding them up in the queue

And I close it back again and go back to lying down.

But now, here I am, staring at the first rung. 

Someone help? Please?

Anyone. 

The Velveteen Rabbit

by Margery Williams

"What is real?" asked the rabbit one day. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you, and a stick out handle?"

"Real isn't how you were made," said the skin Horse, "it's a thing that happen to you. When a child loves you for a long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real. It doesn't happen all at once," said the skin horse. "You become. It takes a long time... Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.

But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand"